break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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