walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize