At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
