I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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