I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
