Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
