Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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