sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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