My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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