chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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