Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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