i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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