There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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