I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
