omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
