walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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