You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
