erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
