My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am naked and annoyed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
