True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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