No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
