Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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