I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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