i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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