two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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