It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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