Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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