If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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