i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
