Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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