i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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