Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
