fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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