apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
