My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
