Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
