Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So vagazzling was a success
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
