She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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