his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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