talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
