Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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