I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
