All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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