Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just high enough for therapy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
