and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We talked him into tasing himself.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
