Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
nutella sex= disaster
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
not ubering you a puppy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize