people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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