I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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