Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
