He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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