what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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