Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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