There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
