And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
