You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it penis luge time yet?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize