Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize