You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
