The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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