think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
