dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
