Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
