Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
