can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize