i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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