She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
