She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
