Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
