I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
