I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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