I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
